


Dysfunctional Perfection

by Warrior_of_Loyalty



Series: Decisions [3]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Adultrio - Freeform, Bad Decisions, Complete, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Nipple Piercings, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-25 19:27:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3822025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warrior_of_Loyalty/pseuds/Warrior_of_Loyalty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You would think after the first incident, Illumi would have learned by now. He should speak to Hisoka but he hasn't quite forgiven him and just what part does Chrollo have to play in their lives? (Sequel to Dickchain)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dysfunctional Perfection

**Author's Note:**

  * For [emanthony](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emanthony/gifts).



> Dedicated to Fear-the-Queers and Emanthony. You two lovely people keep me writing. I'm so grateful to you both, I just hope you enjoy it.

"He's still not talking me." Hisoka complained. "It's been a week."  
  
Chrollo could only chuckle lightly at the incident before shaking his head. He laid down the platform, finger waving about in the air as if conducting an invisible orchestra. In a sense, he was. The phantom troupe had pulled off another large heist whilst Chrollo was decorating, without having to deal with the hassle of moving. The red eyes were stored secretly. How he would have _loved_ to claim Hisoka's own golden. They were _beautiful._

"Are you listening to me?" Hisoka was being a whiny gay baby and it amused Chrollo to no end.

"Have you tried apologizing?" Chrollo's voice was almost the same tone that some poor self-help computer geek would ask: 'Have you tried turning it off and on again.' He would have said it but he knew the red-headed magician would have something perfectly perverted to reply. Not today.

"I was _almost_ genuinely worried he was going to rip my dick off." On the other side of the phone, Hisoka was casually playing with a ball attached to his bungee gum, like some sort of yo-yo. 

Chrollo laughed. "Of course...well, what if I talked to him for you? You know what Illumi is like, he will get bored soon and approach one of us." Still, it was strange that there had been no contact in seven days.

Hisoka sat up, thinking it over. "I'm going to marry him in a year or two."

Ah, that pain in his chest was back again. "I am aware, forgive me for not giving congratulations sooner."

"You sound annoyed." 

Chrollo went quiet.   
  
Hisoka took a deep breath before a switch in his mind clicked some clues together. "Jealous much _~Danchou_ ~?"

"You lost the right to call me that." 

"How scary."

Chrollo heard the smirk. He frowned before sighing. "I'm hanging up now." 

"We could go back to being friends with benefits."  
  
Hisoka laughed as the line went dead. He stopped playing with the ball and rolled onto his side. He checked his messages. No such luck. Illumi hadn't called or texted, he wouldn't admit it to anyone but himself, however, he was starting to worry. Perhaps he should just press the speed-dial. Then again, perhaps not. When Illumi was pissed off, it was usually better to leave him alone but he really felt punished enough.   
  
" _ **No time to question my moves~! I stick to the path that I choose~ Me and my friends never run away from a fight~**_ " 

Illumi decided that he really needed to change that ring tone. He looked to check the caller. He didn't choose to ignore it.

"Illu~" It was long and drawn out. Hisoka was clearly suffering. Good. Neither Silva or Illumi could look each other in the eye and Kikyo was beginning to notice that something was a-miss. Naturally, she didn't like the atmosphere at all. Luckily, she was lenient. Zoldyck men held onto the pride and with no immediate death-looks, she assumed that it was a father-to-son thing. Eventually, she hoped, it would pass.

"Illu~ _please_ talk to me...our bed is cold without you."

Wait...our?  
  
"You've been sleeping with Chrollo!?" Trust him to jump to the worst conclusion.  
  
"What? Illu~ As tempting as that would be. I want-"  
  
"Marry him instead then." He hung up.

Hisoka pouted but decided that he should not take it to heart and leave Illumi alone. There was time to kill, literally. He left the apartment in search of worthy opponents, secretly wondering if the chains Kurapika had placed on Chrollo's heart had been removed yet. Perhaps he should have asked. No matter, Illumi was punishing him, additionally, he was more than mildly irritated and the thought refused to occur to him. Demisexuals were a fucking pain.

"You're not going to forgive him easily are you Niisan?" Kalluto asked, shaking his head as he walked with Illumi towards Chrollo's main throne room. "What did he do?" 

Illumi said nothing until he spotted Chrollo. He bent down and hugged his little brother. "Shoo." His smile was kitten-like, there it was, the serious soft-spot for family.

Kalluto was colder and brushed it off. How. _Embarrassing._ He promptly left, hoping no one had seen.   
  
Chrollo didn't look up from his book. 

"Has Hisoka been here?" Illumi demanded, deciding the mission at hand could actually wait.

"Of course not, although he did call earlier. He was pining after you."

Illumi made his way over towards him. "…You're wearing a shirt...planning on going out?"

"You know by now that I don't wear a shirt unless I intend to do so. Fighting in clothes is such a pain and with _my_ suits so difficult to replace I'd rather I didn't bother ruining a perfectly good shirt." Illumi could actually understand the logic behind that, despite being a prude, for the most part. He didn't share intimacy with just  _anyone,_ but – he still, understood.

"Do you want to sleep with Hisoka?" 

"Why? Would you let me?"

Illumi scowled. "With him, I'm the jealous type." 

Chrollo hummed and shut his book. "What if we slept together?"

The assassin paused for a good ten minutes before reaching the conclusion that he should not even be thinking about it, had Hisoka been anyone else...

Hisoka was _not_ just anyone else though _was_ he? "It would probably be a dream come true for him." Illumi admitted. "But...I cannot have sex with someone I do not..." He trailed off to re-think his words. " _Care_ for." 

"Do you care for me?" 

Illumi looked at Chrollo thoughtfully. The master thief really could have anything he wanted couldn't he? "The rumours are true after all."

"That is not what I asked, however, I sent my congratulations to Hisoka over the phone earlier, they extend to you of course."

Illumi nodded his thanks. "We will always be in your service."

"I am forever in your debt, despite appearances, we both have trouble trusting others easily."

The Mafia boss smiled as they sat in an oddly comfortable silence for about an hour. Finally, Chrollo broke it.

"If you want to sit in my lap, you may."

Illumi had been thinking about Chrollo's previous offer before taking action, weighing his options carefully. "Very well." The assassin shifted from his spot a little further away from him, steadily making his way to a more comfortable spot in between Chrollo's legs.

Chrollo nestled his face in Illumi's hair. It smelled like Strawberries. "You've been using Hisoka's shampoo."   
  
"And conditioner." The assassin corrected and took his own long straight strands across his upper lip to sniff. "Look. Hairtasche."

Chrollo snickered, placing a kiss on the top of the Zoldyck's head.

Illumi felt himself blush, hiding it behind his hair. "Chrollo...undo your shirt, I won't ask you twice."  
  
He hesitated but obeyed, letting it flap open.  
  
Illumi gasped. Chrollo had _nipple piercings._ That was unexpected. He'd keep it to himself but he found it rather erotic and slightly romantic that each of them had at least one piercing...perhaps, perhaps it was a sign. A sign that it was okay, after all, Hisoka would forgive him...wouldn't he.

Illumi began to pull on them emitting soft sounds from Chrollo, watching him with almost-childlike curiosity. He leaned in and started to run his tongue along them, moaning as he tasted cold steel against his hot mouth. It was refreshing.

_Ting-Ting-Click_

One would think he learned the first time.

" **…** " 

" **…** "

"Hold still, I'll try to free you." Chrollo's reaction was practical, Illumi could see it in those deep intense eyes that he was incredibly amused but grateful to the lack of actual laughter from Chrollo himself. 

"It can't get much worse Illumi." Chrollo pointed out.  
  
_He had to say it,_ _**didn't he!?** _

As if on-cue, Hisoka, covered from head-to-toe in blood,  walked through the door, with _Kalluto_ by his side no less.  
  
"Oh...I am _so_ telling _Mother_." 

Hisoka threw a card passed Kalluto's cheek, drawing blood. "You. Will. Do. No. Such. Thing." He warned carefully and the younger Zoldyck quickly retreated.  
  
Illumi's blood-lust. Shit. Hisoka hadn't been thinking...well he had the right intentions...but-  
  
"...Hithoka..." ... _Hisoka..._

If Hisoka hadn't been utterly petrified, he would have found that extraordinarily adorable. "B-But he was- and- you-with- _him_ and- _Illu~!!!!!_ "  
  
Illumi actually realised there was an easier way to escape his predicament, unable to _believe_ he hadn't reached it sooner. It was so _simple._  
  
"Un Mothment." Illumi carefully removed his stud and bar.  
  
Hisoka _stared_.  His fiancé was a genius...but really, he was an idiot too.

"...Illu...."  
  
Hisoka's blood drained from his face.  
  
Illumi held him against the wall. "Lay a finger on my family again, I _will_ kill you."  
  
"And then what~?"

It was insane how easily Illumi forgave him. He replaced his tongue-stud and violently kissed Hisoka, moaning, letting his fiancé take his control back. The magician reversed their situations, pushing him into Chrollo's lap once more.

While Chrollo's mind seemed so mixed-up, his heart was racing. "Mr and Mr Future-Zoldyck?"

Hisoka looked at them, grinning like some sort of predator with freshly caught prey. "I do believe I was interrupting something~"  
  
Illumi looked at him, glad his calculations had been correct. Yes, this was definitely the only person in the world he'd want to marry and Chrollo was undoubtedly, their shared bit on the side. It wasn't normal, not by a long shot. He opened his mouth to speak. 

"Hisoka, Chrollo, you are the family not tied with blood." He whispered quietly.   
  
A single tear rolled down Chrollo's cheek and Hisoka kissed them both. He had nothing to say to that, well, almost nothing. "I love you both too."  
  
"Ah, you look good covered in blood." Chrollo smiled, returning it as they used Hisoka as a mattress.   
  
"Schwing~<3"   
  
"Don't encourage him." Illumi replied, deadpanning but, alas. He had to agree, closing his eyes as he held onto Hisoka tightly. Tomorrow would be another day and maybe, just maybe,  he could re-focus on the mission at hand.   
  
Dysfunctional? Always, blissful even, in their eyes though? It was nothing short of perfection.    


End file.
